how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
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