Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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