need another drink. this is the easiest way
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
no you cant smoke seaweed
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Houston, we have a blender
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
