I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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