did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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