i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
sex in a hospital.. check
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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