does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
