new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
