he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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