i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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