Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
