I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
