My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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