I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
so let's talk penis.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
