does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
