dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
