and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I need moral support for this bender
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
