then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
