Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
