All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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