absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
