I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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