you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
where does the pee come out of this thing
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
