my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
