I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
