Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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