found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
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