i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
is wine microwaveable?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize