you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
if only i could text you this smell
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
