wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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