This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Operation Purity has been aborted
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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