I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
His nipple licking is glorious
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