That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
