She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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