On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
