you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
