my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
