my vag is so smooth its legendary
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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