I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
my sisters under your porch take her home
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
