If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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