i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
