Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
