It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize