Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
