it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
