Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
