Your tits are I can't wait for
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize
