So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
