tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
it's great music for shaving your balls
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize