I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
