We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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