Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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