Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
