he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
50% drunk capacity currently
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Randomize
