census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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