As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
