Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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