she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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