im drinking this country out of the recession.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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