My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
why does every cop we meet know your name?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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