I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
