Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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