does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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