I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
