Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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