Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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