Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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