can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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