Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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