Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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